Healing is not an easy thing to do. Especially on your own. When we think of the word “healing” we think of people healing from a wound, a disease, a medical procedure. Well, mine is a little more… dark.
I have begun a process of healing from my form of healing. What the hell does that mean? Well… I cope with my demons using alcohol, sexuality, and being constantly surrounded by people. It works well. REALLY well. TOO well. This has been my why of “healing” from my past: complete avoidance. But now I am finding that this has all been just a big detour. I am still tormented, I am becoming more and more of an “alcoholic” (not sure if I want to use that term or not, but I’ll use it for now), and while I have admirers and constant relationship proposals, I do not have a real love in my life at the moment. And thats what I am looking for.
My need for love is almost needy now. I have always been independent, strong, free. And pretty damn wild. But I cling to relationships because deep down I know I need someone to pull me back down to earth when I start to float away. When I am alone, I fear that I’ll just.. head to the cosmos and not return.
I was sober for 2 weeks, and then fell off on an bender of epic proportions. I don’t remember most of the week. But I do remember thinking “Well, this is it. This is when I will finally reach the cosmos. RAD, LETS GO!” My friends were concerned. It wasn’t just drinking every night and having a good time. It was me > drunk me > zombie me > non responsive me > shaking and convulsing me. Not cool at all.
I am now 2 days sober, eating healthy (although that was never my issue really), and feeling very positive. Oh, and did I mention I do energy work? My work, my passion, is to help heal other people’s energy and inner turmoil. Yep….. go figure? Or actually, makes total sense.
Now you know. I will be honest and share my progress. I know that today I am SO happy and healthy and ready, but there will be bumps along the way. I hope that this can reach someone who can relate, and possibly help them (YOU) in any sort of way.